What
cracks me up about the youth of today is the general lack of fear. I’ll admit
kids don’t have the get up and go of their forefathers and all that crap, but
when they do get up, they really go and they don’t stop until something stops
them. They gradually learn, but they still run at full speed.
When
you hit your mid-20’s, you start to realize you still go, but not nearly as
fast, mostly because your body machine is just now starting to have repercussions
for hitting those bumps in the road at high speed. Like, if you’re going 70
down the highway of life and feeling good, a 15 year old kid passes you like
you’re on blocks doing 110. Your parents may be only doing 40, but they aren’t
in denial about it, either.
Case
in point: me.
I
had this particular epiphany about my age after returning to roller skating one
night. I must have challenged all the kids I used to know to speed races and
actually even won more than half the time. It was great fun while it lasted,
but the next day brought on aches and pains from beyond.
“Jesus,”
I murmured, slipping into my subconscious as I tried to let myself heal, “I’m
getting way too old for this kind of stupidity.”
It
only took a few minutes to reconnoiter back in my subconscious bedroom on my
bed, much to the amusement of those waiting there for me.
“Does
no one hear my cries?” came the voice of reason in a 9
year old body. I opened my eyes to find Christine smirking at me with her
patented “I told you so” look.
“Too
bad you’re not like those of us who never age,” said Naomi, her hands on her
hips arching out her back. Her pregnant figure actually looked semi-graceful
for a moment, but not enough to stop my sarcasm.
“Yeah,
but then I’d have to spend the rest of my life in
Naomi
frowned. “Huh?”
“You
know,
Christine
stifled a giggle as did another person whom I hadn’t seen in quite a while.
“Robin,” I smiled, genuinely glad to see her. “You never laughed at my humor
before.”
“You’ve
never been funny before,” said the Dark Fairy of Pyrope. She paused as I felt
the sting of that insult, then added, “Well, no...you
have been rather funny looking. You’re right, how could I have missed that?”
Naomi
gave me a smug look I’d last seen on Bill Cosby, then
did a perfect imitation of him as she laughed. “Funny lookin’... dah-ha-ha-ha!” she chuckled.
“Talk
to the hand,” said I, holding one up for her convenience as I laid back. “So,
Robin...everyone...what brings you here?”
“I
came to talk to you about Josh and Stevie,” said Christine.
“I
came to see you suffer,” said Naomi.
“I
came to see Naomi for the same reason she came to see you,” said Robin.
Naomi
looked confused for a moment, then turned to Robin. “Why you slammin’ on me?”
“I
don’t know...it’s really beneath my talent, “said Robin with a completely
straight face.
Chris
and I laughed so hard all my aches felt it and I had to stop. “I really gotta
cut this kid stuff out,” I finally said. “Either that or become one again.”
“Don’t,”
said Chris. “It’s an overrated experience.”
“So,
what’s this about Stevie and Josh?” I sighed.
“Exactly
why being a kid is overrated, especially a girl kid with a little brother and
his partner in crime,” Chris muttered irritably. “Josh and Stevie keep sneaking
around trying to do stuff they aren’t supposed to, like play in your file room
and mess with hard magic and read my notes from school...”
“Most
importantly the notes from school,” I nodded to Robin and Naomi with a smirk.
“God knows we don’t want those
getting out.”
“Don’t
tease,” said Chris. “They’re important to me, just like your stuff is to you!”
I
stopped immediately, remembering this type of moment from my own childhood.
“Okay, I’ll stop,” I said seriously. “Do you want me to talk to him?”
“No,
I want you to stop talking to him
and start hitting him!” she
demanded. “You need to connect on a higher level.”
“Lower,”
said Naomi, disguising this as a cough.
I
tried not to laugh again as I said, “Look, I’m not smacking him, okay? I never
hit you...”
“I
was never that bad!” she said.
Everyone
in the room begged to differ. “This coming from the little girl who held my
breath for me when she couldn’t get her way?” said I. “Who found my original
notebook and wrote us all into a story about candy cane people just to prove
she could control us all?”
“Who
discovered she wasn’t as tall as she wanted to be and shrunk everyone in sight
so she could feel big?” added Robin.
“Who
wanted to string Daina up and make a canoe out of her because she wouldn’t let
you go anywhere?” added Naomi. “No, wait, that was me...” We all stared at her
and she quickly added, “But you see the...the pattern of bad...and evilness,
here...?”
“Ye-eah,” I said, giving Naomi a last long look before saying,
“Anyway, you’re turning out okay, if I do say so myself...”
“And
I,” added Naomi.
“And
I,” added Robin.
“...and
although we’ve all threatened, none of us have ever hit you before, even under
the spell of magic,” I finished. “So, give Josh a little time. There’s not too
much he can do that would be worse than anything you ever pulled.”
“And
we all survived you,” said Robin with a smile, “so you
can definitely survive him.”
“Besides,”
said Naomi, suddenly looking very motherly, “Josh probably just needs a little
person around to be big brother to. After the baby’s born, this will all be
ancient history with those boys. Babies really do make you grow up in a hurry.”
“Which
makes you rather ancient yourself,” said Robin. “You’re due any day now.”
“Good,”
said Christine. “I can’t wait for that brat to grow up.” We all gave her a look
of shock, then she added hurriedly, “I mean Josh, not
your baby, Naomi.”
At
that, we all breathed a premature sigh of relief...
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