Life
Lessons From The Jukebox
or
Everything I Know,
I Learned From Hits of the 60's-70's
While moving to
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Never go looking for a horse on
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Never fall for a man whose life, love and
lady is the sea (even if he gives you Spanish jewelry) #2 Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl),
planted in
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The Tallahatchee bridge
is just one depressing place to hang out. #3 Ode To Billie Joe, planted in
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Radios or music players of ANY kind are not
advisable birthday gifts for girls named Angie. #4 Angie Baby,
planted in
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Mining is a poor career choice if your name
happens to be Timothy. #5
Timothy, planted in
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Apparently, there was one heck of a party in
late December of '63. #6 Oh, What A Night (December 1963), planted
in
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Bullfrogs possess an unusually fine stock of
wine. #7 Joy To The World, planted in
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You can bet your soul that hillbilly music
beats demonic fiddle playing any day. #8 The Devil Went Down To
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Nothing from nothing does, in fact, leave NOTHING. #9
Nothing From Nothing, planted in
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The YMCA and the Navy are ALSO looking for a
few good men! #10 YMCA
& In The Navy, planted in
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The Harper Valley PTA has no right to censor
ANYone. #11 Ode To Billie Joe, planted in
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Never go into space with Major Tom (not that
anyone’s ever gonna get the chance after his LAST mission!)
·
On that note, Planet Earth is blue and
there's nothing ANY of us can do... #12 Space Oddity, planted in
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Rubber Ducks CAN drive trucks. #13
Convoy, reserved for Kristal and Ron in
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Do not go on pleasure cruises on Late
Superior when the gales of November come early. #14 The Wreck of
the Edmund Fitzgerald, planted in
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B-17 is the most depressing song on the
jukebox. #15 Please Mister Please, planted in
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There's LOTS of kinds of hair... #16
Hair, planted in
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Rock stars don't even remember your name, so
why in !@#$ would you sleep with them??? #17
What’s Your Name, planted in Massachussetts
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They aren't "stalkers", they're
men whose "eyes adored you".
·
On that note, the
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Regardless of the amount of coercion, Little
Willie won't...go home. #19 Little Willie, planted in
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Women ROAR! #20 I Am Woman,
planted in
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Diamonds may be a girls
best friend, but rhinestones are for cowboys. #21 Rhinestone
Cowboy, planted in
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There are various routes of transportation
one uses to "get on down"; the Love Train, the Party Train, the
Groove Line, the Express... #22 Disco Trains, planted in Missouri
·
Grease isn't just a method of controlling
one's hair, it's the word, the time, the place, the
motion...it's the way we're feeling. (kinda like cotton...the fabric of our
lives) #23 Grease, planted in
·
BEFORE killing the mountain people, check to see what KIND of treasure
they have under the rock on the mountain. #24 One Tin Soldier,
planted in
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Boogie fever was apparently a national
epidemic. #25 Boogie Fever, planted in
·
They do indeed call it the streak, but the
cops just call it indecent exposure. #26 The Streak, planted in
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Apparently, when the sun is shining on
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War is good for absolutely nothing (say it
again!) #28 War, planted by Catbead in
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Don't trust your soul to no backwoods
Southern lawyer. #29 The Night The Lights Went Out In
· If she ain't coming to Boston, she sure as !@#$ ain't leavin' Tennessee for Denver or L.A. #30 Please Come to Boston, reserved for Team Bear Cat in Tennessee
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Frankly, shooting the sheriff will get you in as much trouble as
shooting the deputy, so why make the distinction between the two? #31
I Shot The Sheriff, reserved for Team Bear Cat for planting in
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There's GOT to be a morning after. #32
The Morning After, planted by Teacup in
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Naming your child after a Southwestern state is a sure way to get her wearing
Indian braids, hobo shoes and rainbow shades while trudging about
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The Bee Gees are responsible for any power failures in
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Under no circumstances should you be a hero,
especially not one named Billy. #35 Billy, Don’t Be A Hero, reserved for
mowizliz in
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If there's smoke on the water, there'll be
fire in the sky. #36 Smoke on the Water, planted by Bulldawg in
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Yellow ribbons erase all memory of a prison
sentence. On that note, if you don't want him back, DON'T
decorate your tree. #37 Tie A Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree,
reserved for castles16 in
·
John Denver REALLY had a thing for mountains and country
living….I mean, you can actually get HIGH in the
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If you kill somebody, you can’t go back to
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We'll all have a few seasons in the sun
before we die. #40 Seasons in the Sun, reserved for KuKu in
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Nothing means much to a daydream believer
and a homecoming queen (doesn't mean much to any of us, either, though).
#41
Daydream Believer, planted in
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Gypsies, tramps and thieves have feelings, too! #42 Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves, planted in
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Arachnids and reptiles are NOT the way to a girl’s heart. #43
Spiders and Snakes, planted in
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If more presidents had mommas like Paul Simon’s, we’d have a lot less
problems in this country! #44
Loves Me Like A Rock by Paul Simon, planted in
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Hitchhiking made easy...a thumb goes up, a
car goes by. #45 Hitchin’
A Ride by Vanity Fare, planted in
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When memory fails you, don't stop thinking
about tomorrow. #46
Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow by Fleetwood Mac, planted in
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African Americans have not cornered the
market on funky music. #47 Play That Funky Music by Wild Cherry,
planted in
·
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There really IS a highway to h---. (Any
expressway will do) #49 Highway to Hell by AC/DC, planted in
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If your momma told you not to come, you
probably shoulda stayed home instead of hanging out
at the party whining. #50 Momma Told Me Not to Come by Three Dog
Night, planted in
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DON'T mess around with Jim. #51 You
Don’t Mess Around With Jim by Jim Croce, planted in
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Booty...it just works on so many levels...(need I SAY more?) #52 Booty (almost every disco
tune made!), planted in
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A queen, a three and a two eyed jack means your husband is sleeping
with your fortune teller (and that your fortune teller is stupid enough to TELL
you!) #53 Dark Lady by Cher, planted in
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Why DOES Rosie crackle (haven’t learned a THING from this lesson, but
seriously…WHY?)? #54 Cracklin’
Rosie by Neil Diamond, planted in
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Excessive speed in a
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She’s not “your obligation”, she’s your WIFE, so don’t kiss when you
say goodbye and stop meeting at the café already! #56 Kiss and Say Goodbye and Me
& Mrs. Jones, planted in
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Smiling faces are sometimes backstabbers. #57 Smiling Faces and
Backstabbers, planted in
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Now that Mary Jo’s doing naughty dancing under the name Gypsy Rose, you
probably don’t WANT the trollop coming back home! #58 Say Has Anybody Seen My Sweet Gypsy Rose
by Tony Orlando & Dawn, planted in
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If we could all just get back to Yasgur’s
farm, we’d be able to set our souls free. #59 The Garden by CSNY, planted
in
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Despite what you may think, this song is NOT about you! #60 You’re
So Vain by Carly Simon, planted in
· Heaven can be found on the 7th floor, if one overlooks the fact that they’re trapped in an elevator with a total stranger! #61 Heaven on the 7th Floor by Paul Nicholas
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That IS the way I like it. #62 That’s
the Way I Like It by KC and the Sunshine Band, planted in
*
We will ALL survive. (I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor)
*
On that note, if your man leaves for outer
space, change the stupid lock or make him leave the key! (I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor)
*
Today's music ain't
got the same soul. (Old Time Rock
& Roll by Bog Seger)
*
She's NOT Lisa, she's JULIE and HE should
get over it already! (I’m Not Lisa
by Jessi Colter)
*
Good girls don't. (Good Girls Don’t by The Knack)
*
There are 50 ways to leave your lover, but
only 6 we know of. (50 Ways to
Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon)
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The teachings of Brother Louie tell us that
skin color shouldn’t make a difference. (Brother Louie by Stories)
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Most people don't give a reason why before
blowing it all sky high. (Sky High
by Jigsaw)
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You don't have to be a star to be in my
show. (You Don’t Have To Be A Star
by Marilyn McCoo & Billy Davis)
*
Leroy was, in fact, NOT the baddest man in
the whole d--- town (which is alright, since King Kong was no big threat,
either). (Bad Bad Leroy Brown by
Jim Croce)
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3 times on the ceiling for free male
companionship, twice on the pipe for an evening alone. (Knock Three Times by Tony Orlando and Dawn)
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Gangsters killed
*
Short people are discriminated against
pretty heavily. (Short People by
Randy Newman)
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The air that we breathe and love is all one
needs to live. In fact, love is just LIKE oxygen! (Love Is Like Oxygen, The Air That I Breathe,
and just about any other love song!)
*
Imaginary lovers…they’re NOT just for crazy
people and high school losers anymore. (Imaginary Lover by
* Chicks that go around getting undressed with kings and preachers and guys all over the world somehow totally understand the true meaning of love, while us regimented wives and discontented mothers apparently know nothing except how to complain to such women…go figure! (Never Been to Me by Charlene)
Here’s the states we’ve
already planted in!
