The Sprite & the Fairyhunter:  Quality Time

 

“You let him play with a RAPIER???”

Neena Quicksilver, sprite, rogue and mother of 4, looked down at her gangling husband, who attempted to bury himself in the newspaper he was reading.

“Uh, don’t know whatcher talkin’ about, babe,” shrugged Adrian, not looking up from the newspaper as he shifted uncomfortably deeper into the sofa. At a full 6 feet, Adrian Quicksilver was actually taller than his wife (even with her amulet of enlargement on), but standing up only gave her a bigger target to zap.

“You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about!” Neena growled, yanking the paper from his hands and zapping him with a quick jolt of her magic. “What the devil is that big welt doing on my son’s face?”

“Ow, gods, Mothwing!” Adrian jumped with a wince. Years of fairyhunting and now actually being married to a sprite had raised his magic tolerance considerably, but he always found it best to look greatly pained lest she increase her dosage. “It’s nothing. We were just practicing and he swung a little funny trying to put the blade back in the scabbard…whacked himself in the cheek.” Adrian chuckled despite himself…his second born was as accident prone as he was. “You know Ryan.”

“I know he’s my 6 year old son and you’ve got him holding a dangerous weapon, yes!”

Adrian rolled his eyes and slowly stood up. This was the problem with living in this world. Sure, it was nice to have your kids getting educated and not having to worry about random orcs attacking them on their way to the market, but it also made things like learning swordplay obsolete. "First of all, he's my son, too...I wouldn't put him in any danger and you know that."

"Not on purpose you wouldn't, but you don't THINK!"

"Honey, the blade I gave him won’t cut butter. It’s the old one my dad gave me, the one with all the nicks in it. It’s not like I handed him a triblade or something.”

“And what if he’d put his eye out? Then what?”

Adrian arched an eyebrow at her. “Are you listening to yourself? You sound like you’re FROM this world all the sudden. You were a ROGUE, Neena…you learned to play with a sword when you were younger than he was!”

“That was different! This WORLD is different! I’d rather watch him play with that magic box thing, that…” She snapped her fingers a few times for recall.

“Computer?”

“Yes, THAT! I’d rather him spend time figuring out the magic behind THAT instead of playing with stuff he doesn’t need anymore. You could have killed him!”

“Gods, Neena, lighten up!” Adrian laughed. “You act the world's gonna come to an end if everyone doesn't constantly walk around with a black chip on their shoulders."

"Y'know, if you'd just try and take something seriously for a change instead of acting like your biggest responsibility is what time and location to scratch yourself, I wouldn't HAVE to be so serious all the time." Neena sighed and tossed him the paper as she turned to leave.

Adrian caught it and muttered, "Oh, this coming from the woman who was known as a 'terrific romp in the sack" for a YEAR by my CHOSEN DEITY!!!"

Even as the words left his lips, he knew he’d gone WAY too far. She froze, her wings quivering angrily, then whirled on him.

"Yeah, well, at least I can say I HAD some grown up fun, unlike YOU, who can just say you had a great few years of running through the forest playing with FAIRIES! Oh, wait, you’re not a fairyhunter anymore, just a bard. Now you can run through the forest and play FOR fairies!”

Score one for the angry sprite.

Adrian took a step toward her, looming over the barely 5 foot fae. “Well, that works out PERFECTLY, then! I can play YOU a little tune that might shut you up long enough to do some THINKING for a change!”

Neena's eyes narrowed at him. "If you even DARED to just imply I might be a FAIRY...”

Adrian completely understood the animosity between sprites and actual fairies enough to know the depth of the insult to his wife. “Well, if the little crystal shoe fits, babe…!” he said casually. Her hand flew up to zap him, just as a merry voice rang out:

"Did I come at a bad time?"

"YES!" snapped the couple, still glaring at each other as they addressed the speaker.

            "Oh, good," said the Laughing Rogue with a smile. Of the many mortals Olidammara knew, Adrian and Neena Quicksilver had to be some of his favorites. He'd spent considerable time disguised as a mortal with Neena in her younger, wilder days. When he'd abruptly left her, he’d endowed a newborn human child named Adrian with certain…godlike talents and let Fate run its course. The result was the couple he now saw before him, a pair that blended together as well as fire and oil with an ability to get out of trouble only rivaled by their ability to find it. Lately, however, they’d been playing domestic, which he’d found rather boring. "What's the game today?" he added, creating a box of popcorn and sitting back on a cushion of air. "Have we reached the part where you throw things at him? I LOVE it when you throw things at him."

            "We're MIGHTY close," Neena growled. "He's decided to play stupid and irresponsible again."

            “I’m not being irresponsible,” Adrian retorted, “I’m just not making everything into some kinda melodrama like she does! She acts like she’s a thousand years old.”

“She’s only 119,” said Olidammara. “But he’s right…you’re WAY too serious for a sprite.”

“See?” snapped Adrian.

“Of course, you’re about as responsible as a toddler, Adrian,” Olidammara admitted. “It’s the rogue in you.”

“I’m not…!” Neena began.

“I’m not…” Adrian began.

“Actually, you BOTH are, and what you need is a little quality time,” said Olidammara.

Both husband and wife paled with a gasp. “No, wait…” Neena stammered, even as Adrian made a foolish bolt for the door, which ended against the wall that had suddenly formed in front of him. He hit the ground with an addled look on his face as Neena glared at the grinning god.

“You know, you can’t keep DOING this every time we get into a fight!”

Olidammara arched an eyebrow at her and pointed to himself. “Hel-lo? God? Can do what I want and all that?” Neena groaned irritably as he continued. “Seriously, though, the problem with you two is you’re constantly forgetting what brought you together,” said the god, stepping down from his air cushion to pace around the two. He pointed to Adrian and added, “And, before you say it, it is NOT the amazing sex. Well, not JUST that, anyway. It’s the fact that you really are opposite halves of the same coin. You NEED each other for balance. What he has, you do not possess and the same goes for you. I think a little dungeon crawl will help the two of you appreciate each other again.”

“This really isn’t necessary,” Neena pleaded while Adrian groaned and held his head.

“I think it is, my dear,” Olidammara said seriously to her. “You really HAVE spent far too much time in that Earth place. I let the two of you go there to raise children so you could keep them safe, not forget who you are.”

“But the kids…!”

“Will be fine with their Aunt Naomi and their Uncle Turlock,” nodded Olidammara. “They’ll need their parents back alive, though, so you might want to pick up your toys.” He pointed to the stack of weapons that had appeared in the corner with them. Neena went over to gather up her blade and bow as Adrian rolled over with a groan.

“Look, if we apologize to each other, couldn’t we just…?” As Neena turned to plead her case once more, she found the god had gone.

“’s’going on?” Adrian muttered.

“Quality time,” Neena sighed.

Cursing under his breath, Adrian slowly got to his feet. “Again? Why does he do this to us?” he groaned.

“Because we make him laugh,” said Neena wryly, tossing him his sword and lute. “You’re the funny one, remember? You should know this.”

“Well, serious one, we gotta get outta here, so what’s your super responsible plan?”

The two stared around them, knowing from past experience they were in a small square of a cell with only one way out…a door that definitely had something unsavory on the other side in another room like this one. That would be followed by a similar door with a similar room with some even more unsavory, which would be followed by another and another. At some point, their god would feel they’d learned their lesson (or stopped laughing at them) and would let them go home. Until then…

With a duty laden sigh, Neena Quicksilver, sprite, rogue and mother of 4, walked over to the door and bent down to listen. Hearing nothing (as she knew she would…Olidammara liked a challenge), she inserted a pick into the lock and went to work…

 

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