Natisa
I'm going with Kevin to the
specialist today and I was attacked with such a passion of fear about what he
might say to me today, or any day, that I wanted to cry. To keep myself from
that, I wrote this. It really happened last night. I love all of you and know
you're all behind us in this working out, but what happened last night renewed
my hope, if not my faith.
A girl came to our door
last night that blew both Kevin and I away. Not that seeing a black girl in the
North was surprising (especially so DARK a black girl), but it was cold and
rainy last night and we live at the dead end...not the most inviting place at
night! She also had this bustle of energy and purpose that made in seem as
though she was going about in broad daylight in the warmth of spring sunshine.
Apparently, she'd yet to be touched by pessimism, this one.
She broke into a flurry of
conversation that made both Kev and I smile
secretively. Who does THIS remind you of?
we both thought, except one of us was a bit flushed in
the embarrassment of recognition. Do I REALLY talk this fast?
But she wasn't selling
cookies for Girl Scouts or high school band booster pizzas (big in our little
town where the nation ranking BAND is what people show up to games for). No,
this girl was selling...renewable energy resources. And not SELLING...she was
getting people to sign her petition that they agreed that resources like wind
energy and solar energy should stay in
And who does THIS remind
YOU of?, was all over my face now as I saw recognition in Kevin's
eyes. Here was a kindred spirit to my environmentally sound, save the earth,
"keep even the bottles that don't get money back because they can still be
recycled" husband and he knew EXACTLY what she was talking about. She
talked (OH, how she TALKED!) about how the pollution from other sources was
ruining the earth and how solar and wind energy was far cleaner and safer for
the environment.
"But of course, you
KNOW that!" she smiled, and we were loath to disagree. I mean, in the face
of the statistics and data she had tumbling from her mouth, one couldn't argue,
but with her enthusiasm and speed combined, I was nearly ASHAMED for having
ever dreamed of thinking that natural gas was EVEN an option.
By the time she left, we
had given Natisa a $36 check to help her cause (a
cause that I personally barely understood, but had been making the check out to even before Kevin's nod of approval).
Oh, yeah.
Her name was Natisa. Nah-TEE-sah.
Some time ago, I had
stopped playing the name game...the one where you find a new child with a name
you like (or a new name with a child you like) and attach it to your unborn child.
I stopped because it never worked out like the stories did. For starters, those
people searching for names were ALWAYS pregnant to begin with, which seemed
woefully unfair to me, still barren after nearly 3 years and without answers. I
had tired of showers, wives tales, fertility idols, trying hard or NOT trying
hard and all that came with it. Why name something that simply isn't there and
is never going to BE there?
But as we stood in the mud
room letting the roar of youthful excitement fade into the quiet solitude of
adult temperance, I was taken back to a story of my own family. Of a little
girl on a swing whose name I bore. I knew she had impressed my parents and
wondered had it been something like this. Had they literally looked up all the
sudden and realized they were pushing the image of their daughter on that
swing, a mix of her mother's and her father's strongest suits? Or was it just
the way she said her name that made them take pause and say "That's the
one. That's our baby."
And suddenly, her name was Natisa. Maybe not her first name, maybe not her name at
all, but she was in there, right there somewhere, waiting to come out and
dazzle us with her adorable smile, the one that makes her daddy have to wear
overalls and a shotgun strapped to his back when her boyfriends come over; her
incredible vocabulary making us tell her preschool teacher that she's always
been a little ahead while encouraging her to put down Tolstoy and go out to
play; her charm, making her daddy nod his head to me to give her money while I
shook my head and silently thanked God that HE had decided on $36 because I'DVE
had to give her a blank check and a kiss; her conviction that makes her demand
justice for all her clients as Attorney General of the World...
That's OUR baby. That's our
Natisa.
I hope...no, I think I
actually have FAITH that we'll see her soon.