PMS Ramblings From the Big Comfy Couch
The
opinions and general ramblings expressed below are not necessarily those of
Daina Burke. They are paid advertisements for stomach viruses and PMS, which DO
NOT MIX...be forewarned!
I'm home today because my toilet bowl
didn't think I was spending enough time with it. The sofa told me "Y'know,
he's right and I'm feeling a little slighted myself." So they both
arranged for me to have a stomach virus this weekend (Sunday and Monday) so
that we could be one big happy family again. I can't tell you how much I've
missed them, really...I feel like we've grown sooooo much closer these past 48
hours. Oh sure, they don't mind having my butt on them, but there's something
so personal about being face to face with the toilet, telling it your problems,
opening your heart (and stomach) to it. And the sofa...oh, the forgiving and
understanding sofa. No matter what, it waits patiently for my return and lets
me lie face down in it, sobbing and clutching that selfsame stomach...it
listens and it LOVES me...<nods with a glaze expression of strained joy>
It's been a strange 48 hours between
pain and PMS. Last night, I found myself sobbing hysterical that I was right
there watching the Jets vs. the Patriots and I somehow missed seeing a field
goal get made. First I was just crying because of my stomach, THEN I was crying
because I couldn't see the tv, THEN I was crying because I missed the play,
THEN I was crying because I couldn't understand why I was THAT upset when there
is NO crying in football!!!
I would turn in my woman card and ask
to be reassigned to a man position, but I'm pretty sure that would ruin my
whole marriage. Kevin's already said that if he were a woman, he'd be a
lesbian, so that's that.
I know this is all just hormonal imbalance.
I have to hope they I'll get better after I have kids. I would hope I'd be a
good mom, but I just know that mentally, I'm not ready. Hormonally, I'm ready
every time I see Charlie...or Kevin...or cribs...or baby food...or baby
shampoo...or commercials with babies in tires zipping along a wet road until
they see a bunch of baby duckies and the tire STOPS and you want to cry because
the duckies have been saved and the baby's alright...
...but otherwise, I'm not ready yet!
<g>
Teletubbies DO control the mind...it's that
simple. You wake up to watch them that early in the morning and your mind is
already ripe for the shearing. I sat one morning and watched them with my 2
year old niece and we were both zoned out for both half hour shows. I remember
the horror and despair I felt when it was "time for Tubby bye-bye".
They just waved goodbye and jumped down the hole and I felt so LOST! Where did
they go? When would they come back? Did the giant baby head control them? What
the hell was that hole they jumped into? They go down into that hole and wave
(big sob) and I don't know where they GO…they just LEAVE me...oh, GOD they
LEAVE me...!?!?
Not sure which was scarier, the actual show
or feeling the sanity leak out onto the sofa…
Going back to my friend the sofa...who loves
me...<g>
