Alan and Jerry practically ran each other down entering Naomi’s room until Alan finally shoved Jerry back with a hand and rushed to his girlfriend’s side.
“Honey?” he said, gently putting a hand on her shoulder.
She lay still on the bed, eyes closed, and did not answer.
“I thought you said she was having the baby!” Alan demanded.
“She was when I left her, man!” Jerry said, feeling a little panicky.
“Jerry, she’s been more active than this when she just thought about the baby,” Alan retorted. “I’m expecting a little more here, perhaps for her to actually be awake.”
“Maybe she passed out from the pain?” Jerry suggested hopefully.
The thought played on Alan’s face for a moment, then quickly turned to worry. “Okay, hon, wake up, huh?” he said, trying to remain calm as he shook her a little. “Come on, baby, please...Naomi, come on, honey, don’t do this to me...Naomi...!”
Alan’s panic intensified and he began to really shake her hard, fearing she might be unconscious. Jerry finally leaned over and grabbed Alan by the wrists to stop him.
“Alan, man, relax! You’re gonna kill her!” he said.
“What if she’s already dead?” Alan shouted back in a fury.
“I’m not.”
Both Alan and Jerry looked at Naomi in surprise. Alan yanked his arms free of Jerry and wrapped them around Naomi’s prone body. “You’re right!” he said to her, now trying to mask his relief. He smiled at Naomi as he let her lay back again. “Are you alright?”
She arched an eyebrow at him, then began to calmly scrutinize both men.
Alan and Jerry looked at each other and frowned. Finally, Alan spoke up. “Why do you look like that?”
“Like what?” Naomi asked calmly.
“Like...like you’re trying to decide which one of us you want to do something to,” said he. He thought a moment, then added, “It’s a sexy look, but not a good look, is it?”
“No,” she said, narrowing her eyes, “because I’m trying which one of you to kill for making me lose Thom in the magic beyond. Now, you, I like,” she said thoughtfully pointing at Alan, “but you did get me pregnant.”
“Yes, but remember we both like that about you because it makes you more sexually appealing than ever,” Alan said quickly, flashing a dazzling smile. Then he pointed an accusing finger at Jerry. “But him...neither of us like him. I’ll help you kill him.”
“Me? I did what you...and all that about ventilation...and I brought him...and he almost...and now you...well, that isn’t fair!” Jerry wailed.
“Your emotion is out of place here, man,” Alan said, cracking his knuckles as he advanced.
Thom awoke to a beautiful blue sky, fluffy white clouds, green grass and a pair of butterfly winged guards holding staffs menacingly toward him. A quick flashback reminded him that people with long staffs meant at least one of three things: heavy magic, limitless danger and spur-of-the-moment fashion shows.
He doubted the third would apply here.
“Uh...” he began.
“We’ll ask the questions here!” snapped one of the guards.
Thom paused. “‘Kay.”
There was a long pause as the guards stood uncertainly, not sure what to ask him, or even what to do. “Um...who are you?” the guard finally asked.
“My name is Thom and I’m a little lost,” he replied. “Where am I?”
“This is Empyrea, the Faerie heaven,” answered the other guard.
“And we’ll ask the questions,” the first guard repeated.
There was another long silence. “And you’re human?” asked the second guard, as if wondering why.
“Hopefully,” said Thom. “Otherwise, I’m gonna have to change my whole wardrobe.” He laughed aloud, hoping to get the guards to laugh with him, then realized he was having about as much luck as he would becoming a Skinhead. “O-kay,” he said. “So, maybe, sombody should just tell me how to get out of here and I’ll take my alternative humor elsewhere.”
“I said..” began the first guard.
“Yeah, yeah, you’ll ask all the questions, but how far has that gotten you?”
Again, there was an awkward silence. “Maybe you’d just better come with us,” said the second guard.
“To?” Thom asked, prompting the guard with both hands.
“We’ll ask...oh, forget it!” he sighed. “We’re taking you to our queen. She’ll know what to do.”
Had I known that help was on the way, I might have been a little less worried about my being here in Empyrea, but as it stood, I was still pretty bummed out. I mean, I’d gotten myself out of some doozies before, but I’d always been alive before, too. I was getting tired of dwelling on this fact here in my room, though, so I finally decided to take a walk in the garden outside my room. I walked out, stopping only briefly as I remembered a door lock wouldn’t really be necessary. After all, who stole things in fairy heaven?
The garden was really a beautiful place, just like a garden in fairy heaven ought to be. I sat down on a ornate marble bench, then, as an afterthought, I slid off and dropped to my knees. “Please, God,” I said. “I know I’ve asked for a lot from you before, but if you ever loved me, you’ll help me out of this mess. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but if I did, let me know and I’ll fix it when I get back, okay?”
As usual, I got no immediate answer, but somehow, I was taking it personal this time. I got up and started walking back to my room, feeling rather thwarted. I must be awful deep in it if I’m in Sprite Heaven and I can’t even get a message to God, I thought dejectedly.
“Hey, Daina,” came a depressed voice.
I looked up briefly and greeted the person walking past me with one of the guards. “Hey, Thom.”
It only happens in the movies and to sprites with no sense at all.
I actually made in 5 feet away before I looked up, did the classic double take and stuttered, “T...T...T...Thom! Omigod!”
The sad part was that it took him 6 feet.
“AHHHHHHHHH!!!” we screamed like twin teakettle whistles, then rushed each other.
“I’m sorry, Lady Daina, this human person doesn’t belong here,” said the guard, trying to separate Thom and I.
“But I know her!” he exclaimed, whirling around to look at the guard without letting me go.
“Yeah!” I agreed, straining a little in his grasp.
“Her Ladyship’s orders, ma’am,” said the guard. “I’m to find a place for him in the correctional facility until she’s decided what to do with him.”
“Let me help her decide, then!” I said determinedly, then added, “Let go, Thom!” He did and I began running off toward the castle.
“Uh, Daina...?” Thom said, a little desperately, as the guard continued to lead him away.
“Don’t worry, Thom,” I called, backpedaling as I spoke, “I’m in good with her Ladyship...you’ll be out in no time!”
I hurried into the castle and in the throne room, where I skidded to a halt on the little rug Fallon had in front of her throne. The rug, however, skidded to a halt against the throne, taking me with it and slamming me into the pedestal the throne sat on. The two guards by Fallon, jumped up and grabbed me up and were hauling me out when I gasped out, “Fallon, listen to me! That guy you just brought in...”
“The human?” she said, forgetting in her interest to tell the guards to let me go.
“Yes!” I shouted. “That guy is my ride HOME!”
She looked surprised, but not much. “That was faster than I thought,” she said. “I knew you were good at getting out of things, but not this good!” I was still being taken away, so she snapped her fingers and said, “Oh, guards, let her go! She’s alright.” They did so and I shrugged them off irritably as they stepped back.
“Yeah, well, you know, I’m the One,” I said quickly, responding to Fallon. “So can you let him go, Mommy, please, huh, canyuh?”
Fallon laughed. “Come on, let’s go get your knight in shining armor out of fairy hell.”
“Fairy hell?” I echoed, watching her step down from her throne.
“For those who weren’t the best fairies or sprites in life. They have to go through correctional therapy and they have to experience all the things they did wrong in life,” she said, as we walked out. “It happens to all our residents eventually, but the correctional facility is for those who’ve done more bad things than can be covered in a few moments of guilt.”
“Ooo,” said I, much subdued by the thought. “So, Naomi’s already got a wing reserved for her, I guess?”
“Sadly enough,” said Fallon, “but it’s not as bad a place as it was before. She keeps staying with you and it may disappear entirely.”
“Well, Thom’s not dead, so why’s he going there?”
“Lack of a better place,” she shrugged. “What do you do with a living human in the land of the fairy dead?”
“Yeah, that reminds me! He is human, so how did he get here?” I asked.