I still don't know why I said it.
I guess I could say it started because I was bored.
I was sprawled out on Jerry's couch with my eyes closed, just taking in the lack of view when I first opened my mouth and said:
"Y'know, it's been a long time since you've had your life threatened."
Jerry, half-awake on his recliner, snorted in disbelief. I think that kinda provoked me, the fact that he wasn't in the least bit terrified, because I added:
"Not literally. Literarily."
I heard the chair squeak and grinned, knowing I'd gotten his attention. I could almost see the "ex-squeeze me?" look on his face. "What's that supposed to me?" he demanded.
"If you really didn't know," I said, rolling over to look at him, "you wouldn't be making that face."
For a moment, I thought he'd blow me off, but he apparently went with his gut reaction--a well pitched whine and a properly pained face. "No, see, I always have to be the victim!" he wailed.
"I know, that's because you're the sidekick," I explained. "How can I save you if nothing ever happens to you?"
"Let me save you, then!"
"No, then you'd be the superhero," I disagreed.
"Okay, cool!"
"No, you can't be the superhero; I'm the superhero!"
"Okay, then I don't wanna play!" he said, folding his arms across his chest determinedly. I blinked at him in surprise. Now things were getting serious.
"Aww, come on, babe, don't be like that!" I protested, sitting up. "I was just kidding, jeez!"
Jerry gave me a skeptical look. "Really?"
"Yeah, really," I nodded earnestly. "Come on, now!"
Slowly, he began to relax. "Okay, then," he muttered grudgingly.
"Alright, then," I said, leaning back.
"Alright," he replied.
"Okay," I said.
"Okay."
"Alright."
"Okay."
"Al-right!!!" I yelled, and we both laughed. "Jee-zus!" The laughter died down into a comfortable silence as we resumed our lazy afternoon.
That was about the time that the words fell out of my mouth that really started it all:
"I mean, it's not as if some evil sorceress is gonna kidnap you and try to do something horrible to you or something."
Jerry sat bolt upright and glared at me.
"What?" I said, then realized what. "Oh. Oops." He gasped and rolled his eyes at me.
"Yeah, well, it's not as if the same thing's gonna happen to you, too!" he snapped.
"Okay, now, we're gettin' carried away, here, alright?" I said, sitting up again. "Now since when has anything we've ever said in a game of 'what if?' ever really happened?"
Jerry thought a moment. "Well..."
"Never, right? And, even if it could happen, we'd have to go to sleep or be unconscious to even make it real for us. So, what are you freakin' over?"
He laughed and shrugged. "Nothing, I guess."
"Okay, so quit queenin' out on me and let's go," I said, standing up and grabbing my wallet.
"What are you doing?"
"We're going to get some ice cream," said I, putting on my jacket.
"What's this 'we' shit?" he frowned, looking as if his comfort zone was about to be severely disturbed.
"You're coming with me."
"But I thought we were gonna just hang out here!"
"What, and fall asleep?" I asked, arching an eyebrow
"Ice cream sounds good," he said, jumping up and grabbing his keys. "7-11 or Baskin-Robbins?"
"Anywhere, so long as we spend no time being unconscious," said I.
"Not as if that's gonna happen now," he laughed, turning toward the door.
That was about the time Thom burst in the apartment, saying, "Alright, dammit, I am sick and tired of washing these damn clothes, Jerry."
Had Jerry and I been a step backward, this might not have even been a story.
Then, again, I thought as the pain of my newly received concussion took away both my senses and Jerry's, he did say "it's not as if".
I'm not sure why, really.
Except to say that sprites (and even the fairies they hang out with) just naturally seem to get themselves into trouble...