"Na-omiiiiii!" Christine whined.
"Fuck you and LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" she screamed.
Christine ducked another glass flung by Naomi's flailing arms just as the door to
Naomi's room opened. Alan stepped in and without missing a beat,
ducked the same glass and let it shatter on the wall behind him.
"Hi, honey," he said,
waving a little at Naomi.
"You SHUT UP!!!" she shrieked, ripping the sheets from the bed.
Alan raised an eyebrow,
then turned to Christine. "I hate Alan?" he asked.
"No," replied Christine,
"this is 'I hate pregnancy in general'. Five bucks says it progresses into 'I hate Alan' and chest
beating," she added.
"You're on, 'cause I say it's gonna be 'how could you do this to me?" and
tears," Alan said.
Just as they were comparing bills,
Naomi flew over to Alan in a rage and hit him in the chest. "I hate you, Alan, I hate you...!" she shrieked. She continued to do this as Chris
smugly pulled the five out of Alan’s hand and began to walk out.
Alan held up a hand to stop her. He
grabbed one of Naomi's fists and put his other hand beneath her chin.
"I know you hate me, baby..." he began, looking deep into her
eyes, "...but I love you,"
he said sincerely.
She looked up at him for a moment, then her eyes began to well up. "Alan, how could you do
this to me?" she finally sobbed, clinging to him.
Alan stood calmly with one arm
around Naomi and the other extended to Christine, who wryly placed a five in
his hand. "Tell me I don't know
my woman..." he muttered, placing a kiss on Naomi's forehead and rocking
her gently. "My little fu-schnickens...what
happened to this baby today?"
"Christine came in...tryin' to...tell me about...some
man...in the hallway," Naomi gasped between sobs.
"Who?"
"Do I give a damn?" she demanded, her voice dangerously tear-free.
"No, you don't," Alan answered promptly. "She doesn't," he added to Christine.
"I gathered this,” began Chris,
“but..."
Alan held up one warning finger and
spoke to Naomi. "Come on, baby, let's come lay down and tell me what you
want so I can bring it here to you and kiss your little toes 'til they can't
take no more," he babytalked, carrying Naomi to
her bed.
"You are going to be the
world's most wonderful daddy," she glowed, placing a hand on his cheek.
"And you already are the
world's most wonderful mommy," he glowed back. Christine pretended to gag
and Naomi grabbed up her gun from her bedside stand.
"Knock it off or I'll aerate
your face!" Naomi snapped. Alan quickly grabbed the gun from her and
tucked it in his back pocket.
"Let me just hold on to that
for you," he said calmly. "Now articulate your needs, my love. I am
here to serve."
Naomi's face immediately lightened
as she giggled and said, "All I want is some peace and quiet so I can hear
what our little one has to say," she said, patting her belly.
"The baby
talks?" Alan asked.
"To me," she replied in an
almost childlike tone.
Alan looked questioningly at
Christine, who gestured him out of the room. He looked briefly at Naomi, who
was drowsily saying," Yeah, Daddy is good at making us happy, isn't he?
But we know (*yawn*) a snow job when we hear one..." With a frown, he rose
and followed Christine out of the room.
"Alright, this is a new psychosis
for her," said Alan. "I had just gotten used to the whole weird food
combination at ungodly hours..."
"Actually, she's not going
crazy on this one," Christine replied. "I made it so that when Naomi
slept, she could talk to the baby in her dreams," said Christine. "It
made her feel better."
"So she really can talk to our
baby?"
"Of course, you're baby's part
sprite."
"I keep forgetting that!"
said Alan thoughtfully.
Chris gave Alan a sidelong glance
and added, "And part intelligent."
"Very funny," he said
sarcastically. "So, is it a boy or a girl?"
"I can't tell you,"
Christine smiled. "But for five bucks, I'll give you a hint."
Alan readily handed her the five and
she smiled. "The hint is that it is
one of the two." She walked off down the hallway and Alan stared after her
in shock. The shock was replaced by anger as he charged off after her. Just as
he was about to jump her, Christine said, "Now, now, let's not give me a
reason to tell Naomi what happened between you and me before we started to get along. I doubt she'll still think you'll
be a wonderful daddy then."
Alan froze in mid-lunge, thinking
this over. What was it, something about Christine's wings, a rope and a ceiling
fan...? "Ooo," he said, suddenly
remembering the incident.
"Right," she agreed with a
calculated smile, turning to him. "Nothing brings fairies and sprites
together like a threat on another's wings. It's, like, sacred or
something." She began walking again as she added, "Come on, there's
somebody I want you to meet."
"What?" he asked,
following her reluctantly. "Who is it?"
Thom could actually remember where
things had started to go wrong.
As far as he was concerned, if Jerry
had gotten off his ass to do laundry instead of sitting around with Daina being lazy, he'dve never
whacked them with the door.
Of course, maybe they had been coming to help him and he'd
still whacked them with the door.
All that and more had been rushing
through his head when he'd found Daina and Jerry
lying in an unconscious heap on the other side of his door. He also knew he
shouldn't have panicked so much; Daina would have
said it was "non-conducive to aiding the situation" and Jerry
would've probably laughed at him. But worrying was something he did quite well,
so why stop now?, he thought with a shrug.
Of course, had he kept a level head,
he might not have tripped over Daina and Jerry trying
to run to call 911 on the pay phone when he could've simply used the phone in
the house. He could've also avoided cracking his head on the door frame and
waking up in this weird dream with little 9 year old girl sighing at him and
telling him it had only been a matter of time before Daina'd
brought him here, anyway.
He wasn't
understanding something important, he knew, but again, he was worrying and
that wasn't helping, either. The kid had gone to get somebody, so now he was
trying to think. The important thing right now was to wake up and get Daina and Jerry up so he could be sure he hadn't killed
them.
Somehow, he doubted that that was
going to be an easy task. Everything around him in this huge file room looked
so real, it wasn't funny.
He could also swear he'd heard that
child's voice before, he thought, as he heard it again in the hallway, as well
as the male voice with it, so probably the best thing to do would be to find
out where in this dream he was so he could just realize what it was trying to
tell him and just wake up...
"That's him," came the kid's voice from behind him.
"That's Thom!!!" came the guy's voice.
"No shit," the girl replied.
Thom turned to look and found the
same little girl with a guy that looked a little like Jerry, but more like an
ex-gang member trying to look like somebody's father. "Good, you're
back," Thom said jumping up. "I need you to help me get out of this
dream thing, because Daina..."
"And Jerry got whacked in the
head from your door and are now about to be killed by Queen Kareen
over a stupid 'what if'," finished the kid. "Tell me something I
don't know."
"How did you get here?"
the guy asked.
"I knocked myself out, okay, don't make a big deal out of it!" Thom retorted
defensively. "Now look..."
"Don't you recognize either of
us or any of this scenario?" the girl asked.
"Ooo,
scenario; five dollar word," the guy said to her.
"Thank you," she smiled at
him. "Well?" she added, looking up at Thom.
Thom gasped irritably. "No,
should I?"
"Think, Thom. When's the last
time you heard this voice?" the child asked, pointing to herself.
"Today at daycare," he
replied. "I almost beat a child for..."
"I'm serious!"
"So am I!" he exclaimed. "Tell me what you want me to know and
I'll go from there, but quit this guessing shit!"
"Christine and Alan...names
ring a bell?" she said.
"No, yes, wait...shit!"
Thom looked at her and him again and finally began to
understand. "Omigod, it's you! Y'all are real!
You're LD's friend and you're married to that Naomi
bitch. Oh, shit, I'm in the story..."
"Mo-ther-fuc-ker...!"
murmured Alan, moving toward him with his fists clenched and Christine jumped
in front of him with a smile.
"Ah, they're not married
yet," Chris replied nervously, then under her breath, she added, "And
as you can see, bitch, although accurate, is a bad choice of words."
Thom took his cue and spoke loudly.
"I mean that lovely woman, that pearl of beauty, that..."
"That's enough," Chris
elbowed him.
"But very accurate," Alan
added.
"Right," said Thom.
"Okay, so I'm in the story now, yes?"
"This isn't a story for you
anymore, it's real," said Christine. "You get what you ask for. Now
you're gonna have to help save Daina
and Jerry."
"Save...whoa, wait a minute,
honey," Thom said, snapping his fingers. "I just wanted a stellar
moment, here, I'm not interested in all this saving
stuff."
"I'm not updated on all this
saving stuff," Alan frowned.
"That's because Shamu the Wonder Bitch doesn't let me get a word in
edgewise anymore." grumbled Christine. "Look, all I know is that they
were talking to each other and making up some dumb "what if" about
evil sorceresses and whatnot and now, I can't find either of them anywhere.
Even if I could, I don't think I could help any. It's not in the plan."
"What plan is this?" Thom
asked.
"The one that Daina's had in the back of her head about you coming
here," Christine sighed. "Jerry didn't get into this realm easily,
either."
"I cannot do this by
myself!" Thom protested.
"And she never meant you to,
I'm sure. Jerry had help from Naomi and Robin, but both of them are kid-bound
now. I don't have any problem helping you find Daina
and Jerry, but..." She paused.
"But?" asked both Alan and
Thom.
"But to go with you would mean
leaving Naomi in charge of Daina's body," said
Chris.
"Just leave it alone!"
Thom retorted. "Why does somebody have to be in charge of it?"
"So that she doesn't come back
to a dead body," said Chris. "Your subconscious mind keeps your body
working when you don't think about it consciously. If everyone in Daina's subconscious mind is out looking for her,
then..."
"I get the idea," Thom
said dejectedly. "Well, let Naomi do it, anyway. She's just inside our
apartment right now," said Thom with a shrug.
"And with Naomi's weird eating
habits, how long d'ya think that'll last?" Christine asked.
"And don't think she won't want you
around in Jerry's body to take care of her," she added to Alan.
"Yeah, she'd have me out buying
fish sticks and guava jelly," Alan groaned. Thom and Christine silently
echoed Alan's statement and he added, "Yeah, I know, I don't even know
what it is, let alone like it."
"So, that eliminates Naomi as a
potential bodysitter," said Thom.
"That eliminates Naomi being
left alone entirely," Alan said.
"So ,
who else is there?"
"Well," said Christine
reluctantly, "there is one
other person..."